10086 Sunset Boulevard

New Year’s Eve is the most symbolic marking of time to me. Each New Year is different, because you have to acknowledge the milestones that have gone before. Unless of course you just medicate yourself through the holidays, and in that case, never mind.

Funny thing about time. You can dig your heels in all you want, but it marches on anyway. When you are not busy plowing through it, it plows through you. I’m digging in my heels a little bit right now. At the moment of writing this, I can still say that I saw my Dad just last year, but only for a while longer. Another step to another level of the grieving process. A process that never ends, just changes.

I have plenty of New Year’s resolutions and I am excited about most of them. But I have also had a New Year’s revelation. I am greeting 2006 as a free woman. I was feeling rather blue about it all when I awoke yesterday morning. But, thanks to a couple of friends, my attitude has been adjusted. I received a late, but perfectly timed Christmas gift from Maeve. A gift certificate to It’s a Wrap. What a great surprise! It’s one of my favorite places to shop in Los Angeles. The note attached said “go and get yourself something girlie to pose in”. I find that I am excited again about planning my trip to Los Angeles, because this trip is going to be all about me.

Which brings me to Rona. Rona is a good friend of mine. A Brit. Rona has the rare ability to speak her mind without being a bitch. Probably because what is on her mind is pure in motivation. She came by yesterday bringing gifts and advice. She’s been newly introduced to 10086 Sunset Boulevard and she’s very concerned for me. She was concerned about the jealousy and cyberstalking and I had to put her fears to rest, telling her that those stories were from earlier this year and I had moved past that. This was an email I received after our conversation:

I don’t believe after everything you and Dan have been through that you’ll ever be ‘out of friends’ but the distance will help to make the healed wound stronger and more resilient. More distance will enable you to truly become independent of one another. I hope you realize the significance and enormity of this decision? I think it means you passed another milestone.

It’s good that you see it may have been heading to a step backwards. You have grown tremendously in the last few months and have faced misery, despair, pain, hurt, deceit and anger, head on, full-on, body slam, in your face, and, despite all of that has turned it all around to your benefit - physically, emotionally spiritually. You may have more of it all to face but you are probably at the crest, ready to ride the wave to the next chapter in your life. All for you, by you, all you - dont’ forget that. It’s okay for you to be # 1 for you. Part of your continued healing is your new daily mantra = repeat after me - ‘all for me, by me, for me’.

Ready to ride the wave? Yes I am.

I hope for all of you that your New Year is at least as good as that. I go into the new year extremely thankful for my friends, family and for everyone who has read Sunset and shared thoughts with me.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!

Next:  The Long Goodbye